Welcome, Mystery. I invite you to sit down and tell me of you...
Several years back I was going through a hard time with chronic anxiety, and a Zen Buddhist friend sent me the above link. The story, she said, was informative...I'd been trying to oust my anxiety by force, and it was only coming back stronger. By generating loving-kindness and compassion for my anxiety and myself, on the other hand, my anxiety would lessen of its own accord.
Jung said the only way to get out of hell is to accept that you're in hell. Indeed, once I stopped trying so hard to "get better," things actually started to get better by themselves. I learned to turn my anger up to Kali-ma instead of identifying it as "mine." There is a reason for every emotion we feel - and like the little demons in Milarepa's cave, they only want a little attention for the work they are trying to do for you. Anger is hard to feel. Fear is hard to feel. But without either of them, we wouldn't learn how to keep ourselves safe from danger. Honor your emotions and give them a little sacred space in your life, and then see what you can do about interacting with others from a space of your choosing instead of defaulting to your emotions.
And know that you are not a lesser person if you cannot rid yourself of all of these demons. In one version of the Milarepa story, every demon ran away...except for one, the last one, who was too big and strong. In the end, Milarepa and this demon lived in the cave together contentedly ever after as roommates. If you have a big demon who won't leave you alone, then make friends with him!
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